What Really Upsets Us

Imagine with me for a moment. You’re in a grocery store, and there are rude people all around you. The store is busy and hectic, and you just want to get out. Suddenly, someone pushes you from behind. You’re angry and frustrated. You are about to turn around and confront that jerk.

But when you turn around, you see a blind man who accidentally bumped into you. Instantly, your anger and frustration go away, and you feel sympathy. What changed?

The event is the same—you were pushed. But your interpretation of the event has changed, and that change in judgment has changed your emotional state. You think differently, so now you feel differently.

It was Epictetus, a Stoic philosopher, who said, “It’s not things that upset us, but our judgments about things.” It is not people who upset us, but our judgments about them. The push didn’t upset the shopper; the interpretation that it was intentional did. Once the interpretation changed, the feeling changed.

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Dr. Jay Forrest

Jay N. Forrest (D.Min.) is a Neoplatonic Buddhist philosopher trained in Zen and Vipassanā, with advanced Buddhist studies at Harvard, Princeton, UVA, Naropa, Columbia, and Universiteit Leiden. He is a certified meditation teacher and the author of over a dozen books on Buddhist philosophy and contemplative practice.