Albert Ellis created a simple three-part model that explains how our reactions to events are not caused by the events themselves, but by how we interpret them.
A stands for the activating event. This is anything that happens—that might trigger a reaction, such as an external event, a situation you anticipate, or an internal event like a memory.
B stands for your beliefs about the event, your interpretation or judgment. Someone yells at you, and you think “He must be angry with me.” Your deeper assumption is that “If someone is angry with me, it means I’m worthless.” You might also believe that “I must always be respected.”
Belief is the crucial link. Your beliefs are making you sick. It is not events that cause emotional problems but your beliefs that cause them.
C stands for the consequences: your emotions, behaviors, and bodily responses. Your beliefs generate sadness, anxiety, anger, or guilt; prompt withdrawing, arguing, drinking, and avoiding; and produce stomach knots, tension, and rapid breathing.
Since your beliefs are the problem, the solution is to challenge them and bring them back in line with reality. You remain disturbed because you keep holding rigid, irrational beliefs. You must work to change those beliefs into more rational, flexible ones.