Could of, Would of, Should of

I find I have a malady of the mind. Call it regret or a desire for a do-over.

Here are the symptoms. I realize that my choices have limited my options and I think, I should have done such and such. If I knew then what I know now, I would have done such and such. Then I could have done such and such.

Sometimes there is regret, sometimes it is just a wish to do things differently. But the could of, would of, should of scenarios play on and on.

I know, as the Stoics would point out, the past is not under my control. And if it is not under my control, drop it. Let it go. These could of, would of, should of scenarios are a waste of time.

As I write this, I wonder if this is where belief in reincarnation gets some of its support. It would be nice to redo my life and correct my mistakes. I have made more than my share. Many of my mistakes have hurt other people. How can I not have regrets?

But the Stoics are right, of course. I can’t undo the past by running improvement scenarios in my head. I have to deal with the things I can control, like my current beliefs, actions, and attitudes. You can’t move forward, looking back.

Yes, we can learn lessons from the past. But this is different. You think of a past mistake and then draw out a lesson from it. For example, if you have two job offers, take the one that helps the most people. Don’t follow your passion, follow the path that produces the most good in the world.

So the next time could of, would of, should of scenarios play in your head, think to yourself, “The past is not under my control. I need to deal with what is not what could have been.”

Then learn from your mistakes and move on. Life is too short to live in the past. Life is happening now.